Inuman ng mga ‘Patay’ ?

Undas na naman. Mga huling araw pa lang ng Oktubre e bising-bisi na ang buong ka-Pinoy-an sa paghahanda sa paggunita sa kanilang mga namayapang mahal sa buhay. Kinabukasan, unang araw ng Nobyembre, araw ng mga patay.

Araw nga ba ng mga “patay” …baka araw ng mga PATagAY? Pag ganitong mga panahon, hindi naman talaga ‘piyesta ng mga patay’ dahil mas nagdiriwang ang mga buhay. Pa’no nga ba naman magpipista o magdiriwang ang mga patay? Sa SINE lang uubra yun paris nung mga napapanuod kong mga pelikula na si Chiquito ang starring nung bata-bata pa ‘ko.

Gusto ko lang paalalahanan ang ilang mga kababayan ko na pinagkahintay-hintay ang araw na ito para ‘sumimple’ sa sementeryo. Mga p’re… ipinagbabawal ang pag-iinuman o pagdala man lang ng alak sa loob ng sementeryo! Sana naman eh huwag nating gawin ito hindi lamang dahil sa ipinagbabawal kundi dahil din sa pagmamalasakit natin sa ating kapwa at maging sa ating mga sarile. Kung gusto nyo naman, sa bahay na lang kayo mag-inuman. Pero sa tyan nyo lang ilalagay ang alak, ha? huwag sa ulo! At pag hindi na kaya, ay huwag nang pilitin pa. Isusuka nyo rin lang e bakit iinumin pa? Hindi naman kasi nasusukat ang pagkalalaki sa dami ng maiinom. At tunay nga bang lalake yung lumalakas lang ang loob pag nakakainom? Yang stainless na marka-dimonyo: nasa itaas lang naman si San Miguel Arkanghel nyan habang nakatindig pa yang bilog o kwadradong bote na tangan-tangan nyo. Pag nasaid nyo na ang laman nyan malamang nakatumba na yan at si ‘Taning’ na ang nasa itaas.

Mga bata pa kasi kayo — nanggaling na rin naman ako dyan noon… Ang kantyawan pa nga noon e “di baleng tumagal sa suso, huwag lang sa baso”… ambastos ba eka nyo? ewan ko basta gradweyt na ko dyan ngayon — pasang-awa pa nga eh… Balang araw maiintindihan nyo rin. Pero kung matanda na kayo at paramihan pa rin ng maiinom ang prinsipyo nyo, malamang tumatanda kayo nang paurong…

Pakinggan nyo na lang itong sabi ng lolo ni Ikabod:

O ‘di ba? Maigi na yung nag-iingat. Baka hindi pa man natatapos ang undas e, maihabol pa kayo sa ipagtitirik ng kandila! He he… kayo din. Di bale sana kung tiyak nyo na kung saan kayo papunta. Hindi problema ng isang dagâ kung saan sya ‘dadalhin ni Kamatayan’ oras na matigok sya, pero tayong mga tao? Kanino kaya sa dalawang karakter dyan sa bote ng ginebra tayo ipapasa ni Kamatayan? Ha…! dapat kayong mag-isip-isip… ipagtirik man kayo ng sanrekwang kandila, useless na rin…

Yang dagang si Ikabod e matagal na ring namayapa yan — at least sa komiks, pero hindi sa puso at diwa ng ilang mga taong tulad ko. Yan ang dagang bukod-tangi kong pinagkasubaybayan magmula nuong ako’y estudyante pa lang sa Los Baños. Pinagkatagu-tago ko pa ang news clipping na yan. Aba e kung kay Mickey Mouse o Robo Rat din lang, kay Ikabod na ako! Naibibida ko lang naman…

Napag-uusapan din lang yang dagâ at araw naman ngayon ng mga patay e me naisip lang akong itanong. Bakit kaya tayong mga Pinoy pag me naaamoy na mabaho e parati na lang “amoy patay na dagâ” ang sinasabi? Dagâ lang ba ang mabaho pag namamatay? Hindi naman ‘di ba? Maski anong patay naman tiyak na mangangamoy at babaho… maliban lang siguro ang patay na kuko… (sa kamay ha? hindi sa paa)

O ano, nag-iinuman na ba kayo? Kayo na lang ha? Pinagkatanda-tanduayan ko kasi nuon pa man ang pangako ko ke misis nu’ng mag-boypren pa lang kami na hin-gin na ko iinom, maski beer-bihira lang. Oo sige na, luma na nga ang dyok na yan… Ano? ako, ander? … hindi ah! lab ko lang si Misis…

Ibahin na nga lang natin ang usapan at baka kung saan lang tayo mapunta… ‘ala pa ba kayong pulutan dyan?

Alam nyo ba na dito sa amin sa probinsiya e hindi lang pusâ ang kumakain ng dagâ? Ginagawa itong pulutan pag may inuman! Koreksyon: inuman ng mga tao ha? hindi inuman ng mga pusâ… at yung dagâ ang pulutan, hindi ang pusâ! Ang gulo ba? Oks lang na-gets nyo naman, di ba? Pero lilinawin ko: yung mga dagang-bukid naman ha? hindi ang mga dagang-bahay o dagang estero! Tutuo yan mga p’re, dehins ako lasing o nagbibiro. Ang tawag pa nga nila dito ay STAR meat — binaligtad na RATS meat! Kaya nga pag may rat-hunting campaign sa mga bukid dito, mga buntot na lang ng dagâ ang binibilang kasi yun na lang ang natitira dahil pinagkuku-kuha na ang mga katawan.

Oebaket? Malinis naman ang dagang-bukid a dahil palay ang kinakain nito! Kayo din naman kumakain din ng palay, ipinakiskis nyo lang at isinaing. Mas malinis pa nga ang dagang-bukid kaysa sa baboy dahil hindi ito kumakain ng kaning baboy! Wala pang kolesterooooool!

Aba e kung ayaw nyong tumikim e di huwag nyo, magtiis kayong walang pulutan… he he he … nagsa-suggest lang naman. Dalawang bagay lang naman ang tinutumbok ko: Hindi lahat ng dagâ e marumi, at hindi komo kumakain ng dagâ e wala nang makaen!

Sige, mag-inuman na nga lang kayo. Sa bahay na lang ha! … para pag inantok, diretso nang tulog! Baka bangungutin lang kayo… kung ayaw nyo namang matulog agad e di okey lang din… basta huwag na lang kayong mag-kantyawan at baka magkapikunan pa kayo. Magpahulas na lang muna kayo… magkape kaya… huwag gatas at masamang ihalo sa alkohol yun — baka hindi na kayo magising…

Maiwan ko na kayo, hane? …pupunta akong sementeryo — mangangaral pa ako sa mga “patay”. Pagbulay-bulayan nyo yung mga ibinida ko. Itagay nyo na lang ako…

Pleasure deprives a man of his faculties quite as much as pain. – Plato
Comic strip credit: Ikabod Bubwit by (the late) Nonoy Marcelo

A Hamster Halloween special

A NOTE FOR THE READERS:

This is the first and last time I made such a video remix for my pets.  (I see nothing wrong about it) My concern of not offending anybody, particularly the conservative bigot or a person of the extremist-type (animal-welfare nazis), is the only reason that keep me from making this two-minute ‘teaser’ and showing it publicly in YouTube and in my blog.

If you have some superstitious beliefs, cultural biases or religious prejudices, DO NOT CLICK on that PLAY button — this video is not for your eyes to see.

To find out more about Berio, click on these:

• Berio (25 Nov 2005 – 22 Feb 2007)
• Size didn’t matter

Dying young

There is only one thing which makes it very hard for me to accept the departure of a pet. It is when it didn’t live its full lifespan, especially if it died so suddenly, without any hint or warning.

Beria-girdel was a Boolagang, one of the three daughters of Berio and Mochahontas. She was a very active and lively hamster. I mated her with Wigwam when she was in heat on September 2; incidentally that was 16 days before my birthday, which means her babies were expected to be born on my birthday. But like Snowy and the elder Beria, she got birthing problems.

On September 18, she suddenly became dormant and I could hear her groans. To make it worst, she refused to touch her food. The daytime passed without sign of any babies, only bleeding. Since there were still the hours of the night to complete one day, I dared not to touch her because I was afraid I could do her more harm than good. Finally a portion of the first baby came out the following day. She was straining very hard but unable to push it out, I had to pull it gently; and I could see her feeling of relief when it came out. Minutes later came out the other small lifeless bodies all by themselves one by one.

My mother used to tell me her story about how she suffered when she gave birth to me — I was born by breech birth and came out a “blue baby” … I was seemingly lifeless — still, not breathing and didn’t cry or made any response to the new world outside. If not for the expertise of the midwife, who needed to hold me upside down by my feet and snap me at my buttocks, I’m not here at this moment telling this or my hamsters’ story. The birth ‘crippled’ my mother for a month or two.

Beria-girdel’s last attempt to “crawl” to her sleeping spot (she was literally pulling her hind legs) was still very clear in my memory. By the look in her deepened eyes, I can feel as if she was saying:

“It’s alright, Robert… just let me ‘go’ — I’m dying.”

Late that night, after two days of intense labor stress Beria-girdel died very solemnly. It was two days after my birthday, just less than 40 days ago. Again, another moment of mournful crying for my poor little pet. I couldn’t restrain the tears in my eyes as I buried her small body early the next morning — Autumnal Equinox, the first day of the Fall…

Beria-girdel lived for only six months and 15 days.

“Rubbing frenzy” (Remembering Beria-girdel)

Size didn’t matter

Berio was a Herculean hamster with the balls of a Hobbit.

Berio was a banded black male, son of Bugoy and Bebang III, and belonging to the first litter of the 4^th generations. Like Beria, his name was derived from the word Siberian because at his young age, he was very small. When he was nearly one month old, sexing was rather not so easy because not even a single testicle was visible. As he grew up, one — but only one — became visible, and this only showed up during warm weather.

Even though his single ball was small, Berio was no yellow. In fact he was the most fearless hamster I ever had. At maturity he was able to gain size and weight. I called him the bull hamster because of his big size.

As he mature, the other member of the pair (the other testicle) started to catch up. There was a time when I think I saw a third one beginning to show up, but I realized it was just a small swelling that soon went off by itself.

Berio was initially wary, yet very amiable. If he senses that someone is approaching his cage, he climbs up, stays near its door and puts his snout against it, waiting “in ambush” (Berio-bulaga). He does not wrestle with my hands if handled, but pushes my nose when I try to put it closer to his face; stares at me blankly when I talk to him, whiskers moving. He was the only hamster among the family who can tightly grasp my finger with his hind paws (as koala bears do). Berio always wanted to get out of his cage but immediately turns back home upon receiving his treat. He enjoys eating.

For Berio, hoarding a ‘cheekful’ of corn grains is not enough… he wants to take the whole thing – kernels and cob – to his home.

Berio’s hoard

I have no idea why Berio suddenly got lethargic. I just remember I fed all the 12 hamsters some few drops of melted ice-cream that I was eating; then his father Bugoy got ill the following day, and Berio himself the next day. But his 26½ -month old hammie recovered.

Another thing I remember was, two days before the ice-cream, I mated him with his wife Mochahontas. Berio just got sick, and died five days after their honeymoon. Was he so much stressed by their arduous love affair? I don’t know. What I knew was before his wife was widowed, he was destined to be a father. For 11 days after he died, Mochahontas had given birth to his six beautiful posthumous offspring!

I observed simple ironies of life here.

• Berio was born small but grew to an immense size at maturity to became the biggest hamster I ever had (his name was a misnomer).

• He was big but he got small balls.

• His balls were small but he was a brave hamster.

• He was big and strong but his life was short (14 months and 28 days).

• His balls were small but he fathered six hamsters — and mind you — he did it in just one hit!

Berio just proved that size doesn’t matter.

The “3½th” generation

Arrow (at left) and Beria on their first-year birthday. Partially hidden at the back was the 27-month & 22-day old Mocha Rurik, then the steward of the Hall after the death of the Lupindilayk twin.

Arrow and Beria were products of the union of Gandalf (2^nd generation) and Stitch — Warwik’s daughter who was given for adoption. Since Warwik was a sister of Gandalf (both were members of a common litter) — Stitch (a sister to Warwik’s sons Harurendilayk) was a 3^rd generation hamster. In simple words, the Gandalf-Stitch paring was an uncle-and-niece marriage relationship.

Calling this new litter as the 4^th generation (their mother being a 3^rd generation hamster) would make Gandalf their grandpa, not their father; calling them as another 3^rd generation would place them just equal with Stitch, their mother. To make the matter less complicated(?), I have chosen to classify this particular litter as the “3½^th” generation. Lucky we humans for discouraging such incestuous relationship; otherwise, imagine how confusing life can be.

Gandalf (white) and Stitch (black) sired six banded blacks and two banded browns. That is why I named this litter the Banderitos.

Arrow was a banded black male, stout-bodied and round-face. His name was derived from the arrow-shaped black pattern on his back. He was so orderly in his cage, consistent as to what spot to urinate. Warm and snappy, persistently hyperactive. During his active hours, so impatient to get out of the cage; and once outside, refuses to be handled, wrestles with my hand. Upon getting tired, doze off along his cage’s ladder, or on the wheel, with head dangling down — like a dead mouse.

Arrow rocks his cradle wheel

Arrow’s bane — a living space turned into a lethal chamber. He could have lived longer if I was able to foresee the perils of staying here on a very hot summer day.

Beria, bored inside her cage

Beria was a banded black female. She was small and petit, with a very cute face. Her size was the basis of my giving her her name for when she was young she was small like a Siberian hamster. Hyperactive and snappy. Quite snob and a tomboy. A homebody, hesitates before leaving her cage for a stroll.

Beria became the wife of Bebong, but the two were not able to sire because like Snowy, Beria had birthing problem. She was less fortunate than Snowy though, for she didn’t survive the complication. But despite her infirmity Beria died fighting the good fight. She left the family on a Christmas eve at a young age of 17 months and 21 days.

Beria’s bereaved loved ones — brother Arrow on Arrowangkada wheel at left, and husband Bebong on the Pension house rooftop at right. (photo taken on morning of Christmas day, 2006)

Arrow became the husband of Isnowitwit, sole daughter of Blakdyak and Snow White. Before he died, Arrow fathered three hamsters. He perished suddenly due to environment-induced stress (much to my deepest grief and guilt) on the hottest month of the year — on the day when his daughter Mochahontas gave birth to his grand offspring, the Boolagang. His age was 20 months and two days.